Prophet Anonymous' prophesies for 2011 part two (parody)

Behold the continued prophecies of Prophet Anonymous! 
(It should be noted that the following prophecies are unpleasant and 20% less vague then previous prophecies.)

Prophet Anonymous' followers.

• The North Pole will merge with Ethiopia, effectively creating a new continent, on December 21st.
•  You will give Prophet Anonymous 77% of your income, and you will send out the first check right now.
•  Microsoft will quit developing software, and begin to manufacture door knobs, which will be able in Doorknob home ($119), Doorknob Professional ($199.99), Doorknob server ($1,209) and Doorknob ultimate ($319.99.)
•  Aliens will destroy the earth on December 30th, after watching a Kenneth Copeland broad cast for the first time.
• Nationwide will no longer be on your side.
• Prophet Anonymous will be exposed as a false prophet.
• Uzbekistan will annex the United States.
• the United States will be renamed to "Little Uzbekistan."
• the Moon will come down with amnesia on January 31st.
• a Frenchman will invite something called a "Aceiih"  it will be used for dish washing.
• Vampire bats will infect humans with a disease called "Bat flu."  the disease will force people to do the bat-tusi until they die, and it will ultimately be contracted by Adam West.
• It will be discovered that Darwin's theory of evolution is a half truth, as it only applies to folding chairs. 
• Stella Recto will evolve from current folding chairs.
• Penguins will become extinct, as Stella Recto will prey on penguins.
• poor attempts to piggy back of off the success of a past blog post will be made punishable by law.

Prophecies by
Prophet Anonymous.