Prophet Anonymous runs for president

Prophet Anonymous has decided to run for president, and has asked me, his newly appointed press secretary to compile a FAQ and list his political positions.

                                                                     FAQ

Q: Under which party is prophet anonymous running?

A: As Prophet Anonymous is too evil to be a Democrat, and not evil enough to be a Republican, he is running under a new party: the Silly Fictitious Party.

Q: Why did Prophet Anonymous decide to run for president?

A: Prophet Anonymous desires to be the supreme overlord of the formerly free world.

Q: Are these questions submitted by real people?

A: ahahaha. No.

Q: How can I assist Prophet Anonymous in his quest to become overlord of the formerly free world?

A: By sending money orders (no checks, please!)  to   Old Pink, care of the Funny Farm, Chalfont, Buckinghamshire, England.

Q: Why didn't Prophet Anonymous foresee his entry into the race when he gave his prophecies for the year of 2012?

A: A very good question. The answer is...well...It's all your fault for asking such a question. When was the last time you foretold the future? oh yeah, never.

Q: Can I win fabulous Prophet Anonymous '12 prizes?

A: No, no you cannot.

Q: Did you ask these questions yourself?

A: I don't have to stand here and listen to these wild accusations.

Q: Is motor oil a question?

A: I'm not even going to acknowledge that.

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Policies:

• The abolition of human non-slavery, for humans of every race.
• Financial aid to silly nations.
• A budget that focuses mainly on buying sharks and relocating them to Lake Erie.
•  A special tax on people who eat guacamole.
• A prohibition on owning, distributing, manufacturing or intending to distribute Nickelback records.
• An end to the war on drugs, and the beginning of the war on absolutely everything else.
• The creation of a New Mexico.
• Hunting down Greg, from house wares.
• Healthcare reform, which will allow all oranges free, quality, government provided healthcare.
• Abolishing Medicare and Medicaid, to pay for the above program. 
• Declaring English with a Minnesota accent to be the official languages of the United States.
• Seizing plots of land from the serious and giving them to the very silly. 
• Putting handsome, silly bloggers on a government pay roll.
• Changing the name of the country from "The United States of America" to "Prophet Anonymoustania."
• Relocating the city of Indianapolis to the Southern Pacific. 
• Realizing a brave new world.
• Correction: a brave new, strawberry scented world.
• Outlawing socks.
• Arresting anyone whose name begins with the letters A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,UV,W,X,Y or Z.
• Abolishing all non-silly fictitious political parties.  
• Making "Dancing in the Streets" the national anthem.
• Requiring all citizens to end every sentence with the words "Ja, in Bavaria, und nicht in Venezuela!"

Silly-ly yours,
Brandon Montgomery. Ja, in Bavaria, und nicht in Venezuela!