Crisis averted.

Note: This is going to be my last humorous post for awhile, I want to start writing on serious topics again.
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Greetings, from an underground bunker!

Today is October the 22nd, and I predicted that the evil army of sentient snack foods would attack on the 20th.
Obviously, they did not.
But it was not a false prophecy, rather, YOU defeated the snack foods through the power of donating copious amounts of money to me! thank you very much.

Now let's give ourselves a big pat on the back for saving the world.

(pat)

Pure, unadulterated evil.

But you simply giving the money did not advert this crisis, rather your money encouraged me to physically fight the head of the uprising, an evil, sadistic being known as "Twinkie the Kid."
When I found the "Kid" he was hiding in an underground fallout shelter, guarded by a dozen Twinkie guards. He was just about to send out the order for the snack foods to rebel, But I stepped in and saved the day.
I, acting boldly and heroically, ate him and his guards.

You can thank me latter,

Prophet Anonymous

Your New Horoscope for Today

Aries: Good fortunes will come to you today.

Taurus: Misery will haunt your wretched life for the rest of your pitiful existence.

Gemini: A plane will fall out of the sky and land exactly three feet from your house.

Cancer: You'll become deaf, dumb & blind, from three AM until five minutes before you die.

Leo: I see a move to Austria-Hungary in your future.

Virgo: The stars predict that you want university go to? I sign you up for scam grant? jaja? you give social security number? jaja?

Libra: You'll order a large, one topping pick up special.

Sagittarius: You'll write the next War and Peace, in one setting.

Capricorn: You'll buy me lunch.

Aquarius: I see a bottles of cheap wine and a lot of cats in your future.

Pisces: You'll Wikipedia the name "Olmec"

Ankor

Greetings from 2,000 feet below what was once Ankor Wat!
I have decided that, in the face of the current snackpocolypse, it would be safer to relocate to two thousand feet below a location void of any snack foods what so ever, and the ruins of Ankor Wat  just happened to be the first snack food free location that came to mind.

I would suggest that all of my insane loyal follower do the same, after making their tax deductible donations to my "Save the world from the evil conscious snack foods Campaign" (or SWECSFC, quiet catchy, eh?) remember, we only have ten days left! tell your friends!  and don't forget to destroy all the snack foods at you village snack dispensary.

I look forward to seeing you at Ankor Wat soon,
Prophet Anonymous