My New Years Resolutions:

I'm setting lofty goals this year. My new years resolutions are:

• Gain weight
• Start drinking hard liquor (hourly.)
• Forget the languages I already speak
• Take up chain smoking
• Read less.
• Dispense more verbal abuse.
• Watch more Fox News.
• Think less.
• Be more condescending
• Dress like Larry the Cable Guy.
• Start using the computers at the library to play Farmvile. 
• Start having violent mood swings.

Happy New Year!

                                  

Prophet Anonymous' prophesies for 2012 Part two

Without any ado, I present to you the further prophecies of Prophet Anonymous:

• Michele Bachmann will stage a coup after Nicolas Sarkozy is elected president. 
• President Bachmann will ban a series of a books which she deems "dangerous," including "Curious George rides a bike,"  "Horton Hears a Who," and the most sinister of all, "Clifford the big red dog."
• Due to a terrible mistake, all jugs of milk shipped to stores nationwide on the date of January the 22nd, will actually be half-and-half, rather than milk.
• President Bachmannn will legally change every one's name to "Nikolai Bachmann," on December the 17th.
• Your local K-mart will close.
• I will finally win the Nobel Prize in Prophecy.
• Golf balls will contract the common cold.
• President Bachmann will change her name to "Mishka Bachmannnnnnnn"
• I will stop picking on Mishka Bachmannnnnnnn in 2012.
• Prophet Anonymous will finally be given his own TBN show. it will be called "Superhappyfun prophecy hour!!!"
• Someone, somewhere will smoke a cigarette. 
• Someone, somewhere will make a racist comment.
• Someone, somewhere...bah, I've lost my train of thought.

That isn't the image I wanted for this post.
That isn't the image I wanted at all!

• Blogger's will quit throwing in the towel.
• Prophet Anonymous will finally be recognized as the genius he is.
• Campbell's soup will change their slogan to "Mmm mmm Mediocre/" 

Well, happy New Year! I'm not entirely satisfied with this post, so to make it up to you I'll upload a new, never before seen photo of prophet Anonymous, unmasked!

Oh for crying out loud....

I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you,

Brandon Montgomery

Awful website of the Year award

This years award for "Worst Website" goes to....

http://www.humanevents.com/

In the past, I received spam emails from Human Events daily,  eventually forcing me to abandon my email account and create a new one, just to escape the spam.*

But to the point, Human Events really is awful.
They'll defend Ron Paul to death, their person of the year for 2006 was Rush Limbaugh, for 2007 it was Dick Cheney and for 2008? Sarah Palin, of course!
They have several sub-blogs, including "Ann Coulter" and "Guns & Patriots."

The above is a political cartoon from the site.

For those unaware, yes on Issue two would have the cut salaries, benefits and pension of fire fighters, police (wo)men, teachers, ETC. but you know, saving money is always worth it, no matter who it hurts.

here's another one:

Ha. that's what every one who isn't a millionaire/billionaire is like, dead on, dead on.

__________________________________________________________________________________
I'm going to write part two of the "Prophecies for 2012" post on New Years Eve.
Brandon Montgomery

*Human Events wasn't the only spam I was getting, but it was a fair amount of it.

Prophet Anonymous' prophesies for 2012 Part one

Yes, I know I said that I would cease writing as Prophet Anonymous, but it's fun and I'm incredulous.
____________________________________________________________________________________

The modern day prophet and apostle, Prophet Anonymous has asked me to write down his prophecies for the year of 2012, Anno Domini, which were revealed to him over the course of yesterday evening, when he fell and hit his head on his dinning room table (which is when he receives all of his divine revelations.)

• On January the 1st all of creation will cease to exist for 0.0000001th of a second, and then reconstitute itself just as it was in before in only 0.0000000001th of a second.

• French will become the official language of Les Etats Unis d'Amerique after Nicolas Sarkozy is elected president of The United States.
• There will be an overcast in all of the world for exactly 59 hours, for the last 13 hours gold balls and laundry detergent will fall from the clouds like rain, beginning on the 3rd of June.
• MP3 players will rise up and enslave humanity on the 26th of September.
• Cassette tapes will free humanity from it's portable oppressors on the 21st of November.
• Inspired by the MP3 player uprising, computer keyboard will begin biting the fingers of all who use them.
• The Great Fire Wall of China will fall, Giving the citizens of China the ability and freedom to access YouTube videos of some guy's cat.
• Prophet Anonymous will change his title to "Great fantasticsuperhappyfun Prophet Anonymous."
• jhjrigrgifgifdighfufghfrghgferffrvr. 
• In 2012 human beings will evolve the ability to read and understand gibbersh, such as is presented in the above prophecy, which has been written in gibberish because of it's terribleness and dire importance, the likes of which humanity is not yet able to cope with. human beings will evolve this ability from generations of illiteracy.

                    Prophet Anonymous would like me to present the following prophecies in contemporary English, (AKA, "texting/Facebook user language") so that all may read them easily:

• da whol earth gunna git real clos like ta esploden sa da worl almos ends n all dat buh den dey gunna come what dos martiuns n save us n all. 
• everyone gunna red des pos whah prophet uhnonymus done rought n dey guna publish em inuh book liek da uns dey gut in da plaec where we go un use da computas for dat der facebook.
• 1 time der gunna be like dis big ecomanomic cryses n not even bubba glen bek gunna be able whah ta save uz caus all da currensys gonna sink ta nothin an all da monney gonna be worflus un all dat..LIKE LOL!

Read the continued prophecies HERE

Dictated but not written,

Prophet Anonymous.

The Fox News Scheme

Yesterday I had the misfortune of being trapped in a  hospital waiting room for around six hours.
The room layout for this particular waiting room was akin to that of most waiting rooms, albeit it had a bit more of an  "open" floor plan then most, in that it was populated with a couple small tables, several chairs, two vending machines and an old cathode ray tube television set mounted to the wall.
This TV set was on one Chanel the entire time I was there:

Fox News.

At home, I never watch Fox News, I simply can't take the incessant blabbering.
Of course, I tried to read, (and eventually did,) but it's hard to read Tolstoy when a blowhard is going on about the "evils" of "Obamacare" and the "Wealth re-distribution" that is income tax.
But in spite of the blood boiling, mind numbing dribble, I actually learned three things, chiefly, that it's all a scam.

Read more, after the jump.

The 10,000 Dollar Bet

At a recent GOP (What makes that party so grand, any way?) debate Mitt Romney offered a 10,000 dollar bet to Rick Perry. 
The Huffington Post states:

"Mitt Romney is tired of hearing about the change made to his book that touts Massachusetts' CommonWealth Care as a "model for the nation." But Rick Perry keeps bringing it up. So Romney proposed a $10,000 wager -- perhaps unprecedented in presidential debates, although we'll wait for Gingrich to provide the historical background.Romney asked the Texas governor if he'd wager $10,000 to settle a dispute over his healthcare record and where he stood on the individual mandate."

 Thirteen million children go hungry in the United States every day.