FAQ
Q: Under which party is prophet anonymous running?
A: As Prophet Anonymous is too evil to be a Democrat, and not evil enough to be a Republican, he is running under a new party: the Silly Fictitious Party.
Q: Why did Prophet Anonymous decide to run for president?
A: Prophet Anonymous desires to be the supreme overlord of the formerly free world.
Q: Are these questions submitted by real people?
A: ahahaha. No.
Q: How can I assist Prophet Anonymous in his quest to become overlord of the formerly free world?
A: By sending money orders (no checks, please!) to Old Pink, care of the Funny Farm, Chalfont, Buckinghamshire, England.
Q: Why didn't Prophet Anonymous foresee his entry into the race when he gave his prophecies for the year of 2012?
A: A very good question. The answer is...well...It's all your fault for asking such a question. When was the last time you foretold the future? oh yeah, never.
Q: Can I win fabulous Prophet Anonymous '12 prizes?
A: No, no you cannot.
Q: Did you ask these questions yourself?
A: I don't have to stand here and listen to these wild accusations.
Q: Is motor oil a question?
A: I'm not even going to acknowledge that.
Q: Why didn't Prophet Anonymous foresee his entry into the race when he gave his prophecies for the year of 2012?
A: A very good question. The answer is...well...It's all your fault for asking such a question. When was the last time you foretold the future? oh yeah, never.
Q: Can I win fabulous Prophet Anonymous '12 prizes?
A: No, no you cannot.
Q: Did you ask these questions yourself?
A: I don't have to stand here and listen to these wild accusations.
Q: Is motor oil a question?
A: I'm not even going to acknowledge that.
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Policies:
- The abolition of human non-slavery, for humans of every race.
- Financial aid to silly nations.
- A budget that focuses mainly on buying sharks and relocating them to Lake Erie.
- A special tax on people who eat guacamole.
- A prohibition on owning, distributing, manufacturing or intending to distribute Nickelback records.
- An end to the war on drugs, and the beginning of the war on absolutely everything else.
- The creation of a New Mexico.
- Hunting down Greg, from house wares.
- Healthcare reform, which will allow all oranges free, quality, government provided healthcare.
- Abolishing Medicare and Medicaid, to pay for the above program.
- Declaring English with a Minnesota accent to be the official languages of the United States.
- Seizing plots of land from the serious and giving them to the very silly.
- Putting handsome, silly bloggers on a government pay roll.
- Changing the name of the country from "The United States of America" to "Prophet Anonymoustania."
- Relocating the city of Indianapolis to the Southern Pacific.
- Realizing a brave new world.
- Correction: a brave new, strawberry scented world.
- Outlawing socks.
- Arresting anyone whose name begins with the letters A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,UV,W,X,Y or Z.
- Abolishing all non-silly fictitious political parties.
- Making "Dancing in the Streets" the national anthem.
- Requiring all citizens to end every sentence with the words "Ja, in Bavaria, und nicht in Venezuela!"
Silly-ly yours,
Brandon Montgomery. Ja, in Bavaria, und nicht in Venezuela!
