Crisis averted.

Note: This is going to be my last humorous post for awhile, I want to start writing on serious topics again.
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Greetings, from an underground bunker!

Today is October the 22nd, and I predicted that the evil army of sentient snack foods would attack on the 20th.
Obviously, they did not.
But it was not a false prophecy, rather, YOU defeated the snack foods through the power of donating copious amounts of money to me! thank you very much.

Now let's give ourselves a big pat on the back for saving the world.

(pat)

Pure, unadulterated evil.

But you simply giving the money did not advert this crisis, rather your money encouraged me to physically fight the head of the uprising, an evil, sadistic being known as "Twinkie the Kid."
When I found the "Kid" he was hiding in an underground fallout shelter, guarded by a dozen Twinkie guards. He was just about to send out the order for the snack foods to rebel, But I stepped in and saved the day.
I, acting boldly and heroically, ate him and his guards.

You can thank me latter,

Prophet Anonymous

Your New Horoscope for Today

Aries: Good fortunes will come to you today.

Taurus: Misery will haunt your wretched life for the rest of your pitiful existence.

Gemini: A plane will fall out of the sky and land exactly three feet from your house.

Cancer: You'll become deaf, dumb & blind, from three AM until five minutes before you die.

Leo: I see a move to Austria-Hungary in your future.

Virgo: The stars predict that you want university go to? I sign you up for scam grant? jaja? you give social security number? jaja?

Libra: You'll order a large, one topping pick up special.

Sagittarius: You'll write the next War and Peace, in one setting.

Capricorn: You'll buy me lunch.

Aquarius: I see a bottles of cheap wine and a lot of cats in your future.

Pisces: You'll Wikipedia the name "Olmec"

Ankor

Greetings from 2,000 feet below what was once Ankor Wat!
I have decided that, in the face of the current snackpocolypse, it would be safer to relocate to two thousand feet below a location void of any snack foods what so ever, and the ruins of Ankor Wat  just happened to be the first snack food free location that came to mind.

I would suggest that all of my insane loyal follower do the same, after making their tax deductible donations to my "Save the world from the evil conscious snack foods Campaign" (or SWECSFC, quiet catchy, eh?) remember, we only have ten days left! tell your friends!  and don't forget to destroy all the snack foods at you village snack dispensary.

I look forward to seeing you at Ankor Wat soon,
Prophet Anonymous

Prophet Anonymous warns of the cheese puffs.

Note: In case you haven't read any of my other Prophet Anonymous posts, then entire series of post is a big poke at Pentecostals. __________________________________________________________________________________

Greetings from 2,000 feet below Olympia, it is I, Prophet Anonymous!

Now you may be wondering what I am doing 2,000 feet below Olympia, but I say unto you that it is nothing to worry your devoted little heads about, because though, for the time being, I will not be able to receive checks or money orders, you may still donate money via my Paypal account, and I will still give you a symbolic receipt so that you may cash them in at death....where was I?

Oh yes.

I'm hiding out 2,000 feet below Olympia because cheese puffs are assembling an army of other snack foods to enslave humanity.

Don't panic. 

Settle down.

Let me tell you why this is happening and how you can stop it

I'm on to you.

Why I haven't been blogging

Alot of you are probably wondering why I haven't updated my blog in awhile- well I've got a reason, in fact I've got 19 reasons:

• No longer welcomed in the United States.
• Cabbage Patch Kids are plotting to seize my house.
• My dog is spreading rumors about me.
• Animal control keeps mistaking me for a rabid duck
• Busy Organizing protest against the Vietnam war.
• Terrorized by Antiadaephobia
• Being spied on by the Australian Government
• And what a fine Government they are!
• Not yet rated by MPAA
• Busy studying the art of manufacturing fake AARP membership cards.
• Books are reading me.
• My luguge is being stolen by Cyborgs from the distant future.

• This cat is trying to kill me

• My keyboard keeps biting me.
• Being Haunted by the Ghosts of John F. Kennedy, and he's eating all my cereal. 
• Decided to devote more time to my relationship with that toaster.
• Busy reaping the benefits of a AARP card.
• Building a great wall around my neighborhood to keep barbarian invaders out.
• Busy plotting my siege of Smurf Village 

Somewhere in the world, a duck is watching me,

Brandon Montgomery 

Your Horoscope For Today

Aries - You will write a blog today

Taurus - You will fall and break your hip the next time you attempt to leave your house.

Gemini - You will attend in AA meeting...please? we're only doing this to help you.

Cancer - All your friends are talking about you behind your back, and so am I.

Leo - You will brush your teeth today. I hope.

Virgo -  Your plans for happiness will be ruined by a 12 foot tall Mongolian woman wielding a hamster.

Libra -You're asking yourself "Should I try new things?" and "should I seize the day?" well the answer is no, no you shouldn't.
Scorpio - You'll order the number one.

Sagittarius - You will be visited by the ghost of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Capricorn - You will grow up and stop believing in horoscopes.

Aquarius - You will rob the house of a Pisces

Pisces -   You will leave all of your doors and windows unlocked.

The American Robin Hood

I live in a supposedly "Christian nation" where people are left to die on the streets because banks have taken their house, where people can starve to death because they cannot afford food, where money is worshiped above all else, where in teaching we are all equal, but in practice some are much more equal, where any concern is drowned out by the media, who wants us all to conform to the apathy shared among the general people.
I live in the United States where they practice "Social Darwinism" and deem any alternatives as satanic.where Robin Hood is the villain and the likes of Ebeneezer Scrooge are the heroes.




Here in the United States we blindly follow politicians who promise that they have the interest of the common people in mind, then they sell us out the the rich, the banks, and corporations as soon as they are in office.
It is as if we favor politics that punish the poor.


Some even take it a step further, saying the rich should be taxed less and the middle/lower class should be taxed more, so the wealth can "Trickle down" (haha.)

The American Robin Hood, after the jump.